"Oh yes, we need a Chauncey Gardener. Right this very minute!"

Remember Peter Sellers' final role as the displaced, simpleton gardener, Chauncey in "Being There"? The hapless Chauncey Gardner then stumbled into a America's ultimate network of political and economic power and instantly became the ultimate pundit on America's economic crisis of the time. Chauncey soothed our national fears with simple, understandable and positive references to his only base of knowledge - gardening.

With the news media mongering economic fear on a non-stop basis, it is high time to reintroduce Mr. Chauncey Gardner to talk some solid, economic sense to America, just as he did so skillfully when the country was mired in economic woes back in 1979. I cite:

The President (to Chauncey): "Do you agree that we can stimulate the economy with temporary
incentives?"

Chauncey: "As long as the roots are not severed, all is well. And all will be well in the garden."

The President: "The....garden?"

Chauncey: "Yes. In the garden, growth has it's seasons. First comes spring and summer, then we have fall and winter. Then comes spring and summer again."

National Economic Adviser (Benjamin Rand): "I think what our insightful young friend is saying is that we welcome the inevitable change of seasons on nature - but we're upset at the seasons of our economy."

Chauncey: "Yes, there will be growth in the spring."

President: "I must admit, that is one of the most refreshing and optimistic statements I heard in a very long time.......that's exactly what we lack on Capitol Hill!"

The next challenge will be to get Chauncey Gardner a guest shot on "Nightly News"!

In the meantime, keep your economic chins up, America!

This is The Count......out.

Memo To The News Media

Hey news media -- you dummies! Don't you know that you hold the keys to America's recovery - and your own financial future in your own hands? When I read one financial gloom and doom story -- up front and center, then see good financial news buried on page 8 or in the broadcast, I immediatley think back to the advice that I afforded to The higher-highers of The Washington Post during the last severe economic downturn back in 1991. In a meeting with their senior editorial staff they were lamenting the sharp decline in ad pages and were very worried about the future financial veracity of the Washington Post. "You're exacerbating these problems.", I offered. "When you put bad financial news up front and bury the good financial news, expect business to react and pull their ad dollars.", I offered. They were shocked. One editor countered, "We can't jeopardize our journalistic integrity." "Sir, if you keep promoting the bad news while burying the good news, you won't have journalistic integrity to guard, because you won't have jobs.", I explained. I didn't think at the time that my statements had any impact, but in the following weeks and months you could actually see the financial editing tide turn as the good financial news reached the front pages. People in the DC area gained confidence and in the many years that followed, the Capital District enjoyed great financial success. Now all of the news media - from top to bottom -- are leading with bad financial news and burying any good news. Ok, news boys and girls -- just know that you're the ones shaping opinion and actions. Keep going the way you are and we can all meet in the bread lines. Your choice.

The Count