Here is a partial list of "Soylent Green" Movies, either in the planning stages or set to be released. If you want to effectively crusade against "Soylent Green" Entertainment DO NOT SEE THESE MOVIES - and maybe - maybe Hollywood will get the message to stop!
THE SHADOW: Just because the Alec Baldwin version of the 90's wasn't bad enough, you're gonna get a second helping! Why? Because apparently enough of you put money down the last time around!
THE LAST STARFIGHTER: Some remakes are more dangerous to the stars than the general public. After Robert Preston made "The Last Starfighter" in the 80's he up and croaked. Lance Guest was a bit luckier - only his career was killed courtesy of this flick with a helping hand from his next role -- "Jaws III: The Revenge".
CONAN THE BARBARIAN: Apparently there must have been something left to be said about the first "Conan" - since there was no intelligible dialogue, I can't imagine what! Casting recommendation for the raging muscle-man: A-Roid!
LOGAN'S RUN: The premise of this dim-witted 70's sci-fi flick was that in the future, you get offed when you hit 30. Can we apply the same principle to any producer attempting to pander recycled garbage to movie-goers?
DEATH WISH: Sly Stallone has apparently signed on for the Chuck Bronson role. Patronize this remake and you'll spawn 4...5...maybe 6 sequels?
TAKING OF THE PELHAM 123: Walter Mathau's career was so disaffected by starring in this stinky flick that he was compelled to sign on to "The Bad News Bears" for redemption. Since this option will not be available to both John Travolta and Denzel Washinigton who will be starring in the P123 remake - because "The Bad News Bears" has already be remade -- I guess Travolta and Washington will have to appear in the remakes of "The Bad News Bears in Breaking Training" and "The Bad News Bears Go To Japan". Get out your baseball mitts, boys -- it's payback time!
FRIDAY THE 13th: If anyone plunks down the money for a ticket for the remake of the "Original Friday The 13th" you risk being responsible for the following sequels "Friday the 13th 2 thru 7" and beyond! Fair warning because you WILL be punished!
THE BIRDS: Didn't Hollywood see what happened the LAST time they attempted to remake a Hitchcock picture. Can you say "Psycho"? One of the working definitions of "insane" is the inability to change when what you are doing does not work. Are ya listening, Hollywood?
THE THING: You REALLY start to peg the "Soylent Green" Entertainment meter when you make a remake of a remake. Memo to Hollywood: This 1951 (with debut of James Arness as "The Thing) piece of crap was already remade by horror-master, John Carpenter back in 1982!
CLASH OF THE TITANS: Remake this classic and you will give TBS and TNT 20 years of rerun fodder! Who's going to out do Sir Lawrence Olivier -- THE ROCK? Say it ain't so!
I look forward to all of your comments as you discover how your world of entertainment is creatively shrinking with each and every passing day!
This is The Count....Out!
Good scarey films are a rite of passage for American teen males. "The Thing"s so far have filled this bill. Thing 1 and Thing 2 were great ways to say "boo", but that's no guarantee for Thing 3. The Carpenter Thing was the scariest movie monster ever and he was up against boney Sigourney and the "Alien". However, the original Arness Thing movie contained Groucho Marx's announcer, George Fenneman as an actor. That devious casting may be the horror genre's scariest moment.
ReplyDeleteBad sequels married to box office poison like Nicole Kidman ala Bewitched can sink even Will Ferrell. He's not particulary good, but his core audience (how can I be kind here) is unused to discriminate reasoning. Any movie with Will and a fart will usually draw guys with no dates on a Saturday.
Same goes for sequels. It's safe territory for film finaciers, producers and a public seeking a haven from new ideas with their popcorn.
Tremors 8! - The Payback, because Kevin Bacon needs the work and we need more script writing like: "I guess he chose the wrong rec room to invade!"