"Snuggie 2.0"

What are we to make of the latest fad to sweep America -- the “Snuggie”, you know, as their ubiquitous, bargain-basement budget TV ad so aptly puts it, “The blanket with sleeves”? According to All Star Marketing, the geniuses behind the unabashed success of the Snuggie, somewhere between 4 and 5 million of these fleece wondersin shut-in’s clothing have been sold. The next question is: Where will the Snuggie fad top
out before sales begin to fall off rapidly and the hot, hot cover up becomes just another in a long line of fuzzy fad memories. After all, there are just so many of America’s most pernicious couch potatoes who will pony up the money to look like semi-deranged cultists while eating popcorn, working their laptops, holding their babies or God forbid, attending outdoor public sporting events (not even with a court order!).

The critical task now for All Star Marketing is to effectively migrate theSnuggie from passing fad to bona fide trend. According to marketing experts, the litmus tests that differentiate fad from trend are: Fads are short lived; trends have staying power. Fads are “I gotta have one.”; trends are “I think I’ll have another.” And most important, fads are revolutionary; trends are evolutionary.

For the Snuggie to survive in American culture it must evolve and take ona more meaningful and universal role in our collective lives. Consider the proposed prototypes and possibilities of “Snuggie 2.0”, “Snuggie TNG” (The Next Generation) or simply “Son of Snuggie”:


“Showtime Rotisserie Snuggie”: Combines the best of the classic Snuggie with the genius of Ron Popeil. A NASA-developed foil inside lining allows your super-charged body heat to slow roast up to a 4 pound roaster in just 2 hours, while you relax with your favorite daytime TV programs. Good and good for ya!

“Huggie-Snuggie”: A special pouch in the Snuggie holds a disposable diaperso now you can hold your baby with no worries. The Huggie-Snuggie also effectively addresses the graying of America as it accommodates adult disposable waste garments.

“Smilin’ Bob Snuggie”: Expandable front quadrant comfortably allows for any “big changes” with men who are hooked on male enhancement products. This could be huge!

“Listen Up Snuggie”: Built into the Snuggie is an audio booster for those whosuffer from diminished hearing and are too cheap to buy a real hearing aid. Listen Up Snuggie allows you to discreetly overhear conversations from across the room, like: “He’s really cute, and he just moved into the building. Too bad he’s dressed like some kind of weird monk and most likely has taken a vow of celibacy.”

“My Kid Made The Honor Role Snuggie”: For pushy parents who are compelled to highlight their child’s achievements, no matter how mundane. My Kid Made The Honor Roll Snuggie comes emblazoned with generic or customized school-driven braggadocio.

“Malibu Snuggie”: Ultraviolet light emitting diodes woven into the inner lining provide that all over tan, anytime – all the time. Enthusiastically endorsed by George Hamilton!

“Life Alert Snuggie”: Because it is impossible to take a few steps without tripping while wearing your Snuggie, this version allows you to instantly contact authorities for help
when you press the Life Alert button and shriek, “I’ve fallen in my Snuggie, and I can’t get up!”

“iSnuggie”: Crafted especially for post-Baby Boom techno-generations, the iSnuggie is packed with ear buds, wireless router and a 30GB flash drive. Best yet,the iSnuggie is both PC and Mac compatible!

“ShamWow Snuggie”: The Snuggie’s oversized sleeves make polite and contained drinking an absolute impossibility. So when you invariably spill, take a chill pill -- ShamWow Snuggie absorbs over 50 times its weight in liquid! Don your ShamWow Snuggie when you wash the car – you can hose down and dry your auto in just one pass!

“Need A Miracle Snuggie”: Exclusively for “Dead Heads”. Tye-dye of course with “Need a miracle” scrawled across the front, allows underfunded Grateful Dead fans to comfortably and idly wait until Kingdom come for someone who actually works for a living to bestow free tickets upon them.

“Street Walker Snuggie”: Everyone knows that hooking on the mean streets is a rough life. Street Walker Snuggie, made from neon-colored spandex will help to make hooking a more warm and humane business. Strategic slits and a plunging neckline make this slinky Snuggie truly “The blanket with sleaze”!

“Mood Snuggie”: Special woven in sensors change the color of your Snuggie according to your mood. Remember, dark blue means you’re feeling great! Black means not so good. A great conversation starter!

“Baby On Board Snuggie”: Crafted for expectant moms or parents who want to hold their babies under the safest of circumstances. Oversized caution sign advises anyone nearby about your precious cargo. Variation in development: “Mother-In Law Bludgeoned and Wrapped In Snuggie In Trunk”

“Shiatsu Snuggie”: Battery operated magic fingers contained within the fleece provide you a hot, relaxing and discreet massage! “Domo arigato, Shiatsu Snuggie!”

“Snacktime Snuggie”: Because classic Snuggies have limited durability they can now be purchased in edible form. Enjoy a cheese, pizza, taco or 3 alarm-flavored Snuggie anytime in between meals. Or wake up to your delicious Snuggie with crunchberries!

“Mae West Snuggie”: Now you can have both warmth and safety on the open water because the Mae West Snuggie contains instant inflation chambers, making it a Coast Guard approved personal flotation device. Don’t be caught flying out of LaGuardia Airport without the Mae West Snuggie.

“Tom Brady Snuggie”: Not only is this gem autographed by one of the greatest NFL quarterbacks ever, the Tom Brady Snuggie changes all the rules with easy to reach pockets, allowing you to “tuck” any item!

“OCD Snuggie”: Laced with miracle germ-shedding fiber, those unfortunates affected with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder will now flock to public restrooms and escalator hand rails. An optional fire hood affords OCDers peace of mind during hotel stays.

“Fonzie Snuggie”: For those who refuse to wear a nerdy, cloth Snuggie the supple brown leather Fonzie Snuggie will keep you warm – and cool! Ayyyyyyyyyyyy!

“Billy Mays Snuggie”: Shaped like a giant, black beard, the Billy Mays Snuggie allows you the right to scream at constant and ear-piercing levels to prove any simple point, while framing your statements in moronic rhyming schemes. “THAT’S THE POWER OF THE BILLY MAYS SNUGGIE! AMAZING!”

“Quickie Snuggie”: With you and your significant other entombed in warm fleece, acting upon those spontaneous, amorous moments is just out of the question… until now! Strategically located Velcro EZ access closures allow couples to take advantage of the heat of the moment. When the Quickie Snuggie was tested with female focus groups the universal response was, “Quickie? As opposed to……….”